Beautiful Imperfections
Somer walked into her two-bedroom apartment and locked the door behind her. She was greeted by an eerie silence, as if she wore sound-canceling headphones. Her keys jingled and the wooden floors creaked beneath her as she walked into the living room and hung her keys on the rack by the living room door. She looked from the perfectly polished wooden floor to the center table that was neatly kept, with only an unlit candle resting on it, to the undisturbed three-seater couch facing the wall-mounted tv. She inhaled and released a deep breath as she removed her shoes and changed her clothes. She walked to the kitchen and instinctively opened the fridge, realizing afterward that since she hadn’t cooked anything there wouldn’t be anything to look at in the fridge. She was exhausted after a 12-hour shift managing a busy retail store, but she was also starving; she had only had an apple for breakfast and nothing since then. She grabbed a pack of instant noodles from the cabinet, filled a pot with water, and set it on the stove to boil. She had never been the kind of person to idly reach for her phone after getting home, but now she found herself wondering where her phone was just to fill the void as she waited for the noodles to cook.
Her roommate had just moved out yesterday. Zena and Somer had lived together for over a year after Somer had posted an ad online looking for a potential roommate. Zena had been the first one to respond and after scheduling a meetup, Somer decided that Zena would be a great fit. What Somer hadn’t been able to vet through that one meeting was how loud Zena’s lifestyle was; the complete opposite of how Somer preferred to live.
Zena was a vivacious, spirited young girl. She had just ended her junior year of college when she moved into the apartment. She spent the bulk of her summer vacation holed up in their apartment, mainly lounging on the three-seater in the living room with papers scattered around her on every surface, while working on her 20-page senior thesis. She had a whole year to complete the thesis as it was due before graduation, but she wanted to get a head start on it to make sure she could perfect it in every way possible. When Somer asked her why she didn’t do her work in her own room, Zena said she preferred working in the living room because the living room lighting and atmosphere catered to her needs as a writer and fostered her creativity. Somer couldn’t exactly argue with that. Zena would eat and drink and leave her plates/ cups on the side table next to the couch. All her used dishes would pile up there until she picked them up at night to collectively put them in the dishwasher before going to bed. The pots and pans that Zena used to cook her meals would also sit in the kitchen sink until she put everything in the dishwasher at night. And since Zena enjoyed cooking and preferred home-cooked meals, the pots and pans occupied the sink on most days. Along with that, Zena always kept the music playing in the apartment since she claimed the music helped get her creative juices flowing.
It’s no surprise given how different Somer and Zena’s lifestyles were that Somer was eagerly looking forward to the day that Zena would finally move out. But it’s strange how losing something forces you to consider how much you treasured it.
Somer opened the pack of noodles and emptied the contents into the boiled water. As she twirled the noodles around in the water she thought about how empty her apartment felt. The silence and stillness that once comforted her now made her feel like she was standing in a giant void. Instead of bringing her happiness, the lack of dishes in the sink just made her miss the hot meals Zena had always prepared for both of them (in spite of Somer constantly insisting Zena didn’t have to prepare extra food for her). Somer used to always start her day with a cup of coffee and would buy lunch/ dinner from whatever restaurant was the most convenient for her that day, but after Zena moved in, Zena made sure Somer always had a proper breakfast and a home-cooked lunch and dinner. According to Zena, “breakfast is the most important meal of the day and there’s nothing healthier than a home-cooked meal”.
Somer poured the cooked noodles into a bowl and drizzled the contents of the spice packet on top of the noodles. She quickly washed the pan and took her bowl to the living room. Merely two days ago, she would’ve had Zena’s full attention as she told her about everything that had happened that day. If Somer had had a bad day, Zena would’ve either insisted they dance it off, ran out to get them both ice cream sundaes, or just listened and been a shoulder to cry on. If Somer had had a great day, she would’ve rehashed the glory of the day to Zena and Zena would’ve listened with just as much fervent attention. Thinking back to it, Somer loved how Zena would always put her work aside when Somer wanted to talk to her. And Zena never made her feel like her issues weren’t matters of concern even if they were minuscule problems. When Zena had friends over, Zena always made Somer feel welcomed or respected Somer’s boundaries if Somer decided to remain in her room. Somer realized she had never considered these qualities when thinking about Zena while they were still living together. And because of that, she never told Zena how much she appreciated and loved her before she moved out to pursue her new job. And now they had a 17 hour time difference separating them with no clue about when they’d ever meet or speak again in the way they used to.
Nobody’s perfect. But, as humans, we’re constantly creating these ideal people, things, and scenarios in our minds. And then we’re disappointed when people, things, and events don’t live up to those fabrications. But how can they when we’re always searching for perfection: something that doesn’t exist. When we’re setting ourselves up for failure from the get-go by devaluing the beauty of the flawed creations right in front of us (which includes us, ourselves). Be willing to look past the bad and don’t let someone’s bad habits/ qualities define the bulk of who they are. Naturally, the more you get to know someone, the more you’ll become aware of the blemishes in their personality, but don’t allow that to obscure their virtues (which you will also discover more of as you get further acquainted). Place weight on the right things. And don’t allow someone’s absence to force you to finally appreciate their merits. Even diamonds need polishing.
P.S- Have you ever noticed that when someone we consider to be a “good person” does one bad thing it seems so colossal that it mars their whole ‘good person persona’? And on the flip side, when someone we deem to be a “bad person” does one good thing, it’s as if every bad thing that they’ve ever done dissipates and the “bad person” becomes a saint in our eyes?
